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Mathematics
Mathematics has something to do with numbers and symbols, what exactly is never clear, because the people who study mathematics, Mathologists, are secretive and a little prissy. History of Mathology Prehistortic Mathemagicalism Mathematics has a long illustrious past, starting with cavemen all the way up through just before the first atomic bomb. Terrorists were considered the first mathologists, which probably explains why they are so mad all the time, and why they hate Our Freedoms™. Mathematics were originally developed as a means of torture (we don't torture) for unruly farm hands. Ancient Greek Mathology In ancient Greece (about 15BC), a group of non-mainstream mathematicians decided to make up numerical rules and values on their own, owing to the fact that they were repelled and "unconfessed" by the mainstream. They are now known as mathologists. They used x, y, z as mathological initial make-up numbers. As time passed, they recorded their research and discoveries by depicting them on large stone pillars and stoneboards. Medieval Mathalculus There has been a great conflict between mathematics and religion throughout history. In the 1600s, Sir Issac Newton proposed a definitive proof that the Earth was flat, and that the sun revolved around Earth. When mathologists learned of his discovery, they promptly imprisoned Newton and demanded that he destroy his work. When Newton refused, apples were thrown on his head, which caused extensive brain injuries and later caused delusions that led to the now popular Myth of Gravity. Modern Math Mathematics has continued to develop thousands of years. In modern times, it has dissolved into science and technology. On the other hand, almost no one calls it anything but "math" anymore, which is good because it is much shorter to say. The British say "maths," though, as do extremely gay Americans. Terrorist Link in Mathematics Because of the secrecy and confusion associated with mathematics, many Americans have suspected a link to evil-doing, and, naturally, we were right. Mathologists consistently communicate to each other with Arabic Numerals which cannot be understood by non-terrorists. Jesus used Roman Numerals but efforts to get Roman numerology taught in the public schools have been thwarted by liberals. al-Jabr Al-Jabr (pronounced: al-JA-JA-Gabor-abrr) was a terrorist born long before terrorists wrapped towels around their heads, in fact, some say al-Jabr was the first terrorist to wrap a towel around his head. As frightening as that sounds, al-Jabr was not finished with his torturous designs on mankind; he also invented algebra. Al-Jabr invented algebra, algebra sucks, therefore: al-Jabr sucks--how's that for transitive property, huh al-Jabr? al-Khwarizmi Besides spelling his name wrong, and making it hard to convert to something easy for Americans to say, al-Khwarizimi (pronounced al-Kwar-NAMBLI) may have been the first obsessive-compulsive. The intense attention to every single, freakin' detail no matter how small associated with obsessive-compulsives, allowed al-Khwarizimi to invent algorithms, which have something to do with ordered instructions for the performance of a task. It is believed that al-Khwarizimi used his "special ability" (as Mama Khwarizimi used to call it) to oversee more sleeper cells than any other terrorist before the invention of computers and cell phones. Al-Khwarizimi won "Neatest Cave" 14 years in a row, and was featured in Cave Digest 20 April, 799 C.E.. Rabbit Contributions to Mathematics In 2006, the factonistas in charge of mathological properties and documentation, (all ideas abhorent to good Americans) decided to bring back a theory that had been abandoned by all but the most truthy mathologists. Non-Hole Mathology The theory, called, "Non-Holed Rabbitology", posited that rabbits had no holes. The abusrdity of that statement was so obvious to the Americans of earth before it became round, that it was rightfully allowed to slip into obscurity. No one is completely sure where or when the theory started, but it was resurrected recently when the ICM awarded someone other than Dr. Colbert their "Mrs. Fields Medal", which was really just a cookie and a gay ribbon. Hole Mathology Pioneered by Dr. Colbert, Rabbit-Hole Mathology declares that rabbits do have holes, otherwise how could they reproduce? That truthyism should be, on it's own, enough to sway even them most militant Non-Holist. But the Non-holists ranks remain closed in a world, ironically, without a hole through which truthiness can enter. Things Mathologists Made Up Due to their secretive nature and obsessive-compulsion, Mathologists created a language all their own. It consists mostly of symbols, numbers and rules to govern those symbols and numbers. Used together the three components can really fuck up your head. Made-up Symbols X,Y,Z,n,"theta",t Made-up Numbers Pi never existed and if it did, Stephen Colbert would have found it, and it would be All-American apple pi. e'' is not 2.718281828459...; it's the first letter of the word "elephant". ''i, or \sqrt{-1} , is not a real number; it even stands for imaginary unit. Made-up Rules * Quadruplegic formula (see: Stemcellocracy) If a=b and b=c then a=c If a --> b then ~b --> ~a a^2 + b^2 = c^2 Mathological First Theorey * Number remains number; Ray remains Ray Time-inductive mathology is the study of relationships between periodical decay and natures of numbers. :Time inductive theory states that a number or any form of number will undergo a periodical alternation or disintegration of its own accord, without being affected by external energy or agents. :Numbers will gradually be broken down and disintegrated into smaller pieces (similar to irreducible complexity). The scattered parts disappear and fall into the spacial zone through turbulence. Endomicrolionic Mathology :It is a study of mathology regarding the properties and phenomena of a endomicrolion, which is the make-up component of a microlion. Real Rules 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. pi · e'' = ''pie 6. \frac{56}{67} = 5/7 (divide out the 6's) 7. \frac{(30 Months+250,000USDollars+2 Years Probation)}{(Cover up+Unlimited Funds)*Commutation}=0 In mathology, any number can equal any other number! 8. The Transitive Property of Hate states that when an anonymous, and hate-filled posting appears on a blog, the hate is then assumed by the person or entity running the blog. See also: Ku Kos Klan 9. The Measure of Success for a Surge :* given a limited population (P) :* within that limited population is a number of people ® who will have the resources to leave if a civil war occurs :* another subset within that limited population is the number of people (D) who will be killed because they will not be able to leave if a civil war occurs :* the limited population finds themselves in a civil war (Ha) :* a new population is calculated as shown in the formula: T=P-R , where T is the total of the remaining population, P is the old population and R is the number of people who had the resources to leave unscathed now that there is a civil war :* before calculating the success of the surge, subtract the number of persons killed before the surge is implemented, as shown in the formula: N=T-D , where N is the population after the number of dead (D) are subtracted from the total remaining population, T :* Note: N is always less than T, which is always less than P :* However, as long as N is greater than D, success is achieved, shown in the formula: if N>D, then U.S.A.! U.S.A.! 10. Pund Phenomenon Optimum Speed is the speed that owned by a single number, which travels in a non-polarized, normal condition. The number moves in a way such that it flows slowly in wave motion towards particular directions. V = (value of number) / 10 When the single number is accelerated by an accelerator, wave amplitude and wavelength gradually decrease to zero. The single number moves in limtied speed then convergence speed, it is calculated by: Vc = e(Va)^2 ; where a is the acceleration As time passes, the single number moves in convergence speed. It's then gradually disintegrated into smaller parts, known as "microlions". Energy is released in the process, it's calculated by: E(KJ) = log Vc Famous Mathologists * al-Jabr * al-Khwarizimi * that crazy guy from Opie's movie * that hot chick from Desperate Housewives and Lois and Clark - for reference, check out that one episode of Quantum Leap * that hot chick from Wonder Years * Data on Star Trek * That guy from Mepos on Perfect Strangers * Ramanujan * al-Turing Mathology Awards * Every year the Royal Society of Mathological Research nominates mathologists who have made immense contributions in the field. The Rhombus Award is presented, together with 100 thousand dollars. * Mathologists give out an award called the "Mrs. Fields Medal" but they haven't given one to Stephen Colbert, so to hell with them. See Also * Ridiculous Theories and Notions * Poincaré Conjecture External Sources *International Congress of Mathematicians *Wikipedia's math nerd patrol